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+Trapped in between
+##################
+:date: 2012-06-11 10:55
+:author: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058
+:category: pi
+:slug: trapped-in-between
+:status: published
+
+| There is a need in us. It's a constant thriving to fulfill our goals
+ and be happy. As we can feel it unite us, it's actually a drifting
+ apart. The greatest conversation starter and killer. Our dreams are
+ like galaxies in a chaotic universe within ourselves. Some bigger,
+ some smaller.
+| I think this is a good thing to maintain. After all, I like looking up
+ and see not a handful but a trillion of stars. This huge variety is
+ simply a beautiful thing to look at, or something that will scare you
+ into believing that you're insignificant and small.
+| Like the need for this conversation with myself I have several similar
+ other ones of urgence and importance. They pull me apart. They trap me
+ inside. They make me want to invest and they make me want to hide.
+| Sometimes I want a single guiding star that will lead me leading
+ myself. They are too many. I'm trapped in between miraculously
+ blinking galaxies and it feels like they are drifting apart the more I
+ invest, but freezing is no option, it's certain death.
+| I feel that each time I really want to work out something, another
+ dream has got to die and the need to choose makes me unhappy and
+ unfree. They are too many and sometimes it's like a curse having
+ strong ones. I wish it was only two personas, like Hesse describes his
+ fragmentation in "Steppenwolf", but it's not as easy as that (as he
+ states correctly at the end of the book). Still you want to preserve
+ your ability to smile.
+| So, I walk the streets. Flooded with even more dreams. Strong ones,
+ weak ones. Some that make you laugh, some that make you cry and I feel
+ free again. Not because I found a solution, but because I can see that
+ it's not just me. Long lost dreams reemerge into what I want to be.
+ New ones might not seem as clear as they used to be. It's good to let
+ them rest, but not for too long. They will be coming back after all,
+ as a long awaited epiphany or to haunt me.
+| I want to be more than the thriving. I want to be a cluster of stars
+ bridging the gap. For me, for others. In the end, you and me are
+ interchangeable.
+
+