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Trapped in between
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:date: 2012-06-11 10:55
:author: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058
:category: pi
:slug: trapped-in-between
:status: published
| There is a need in us. It's a constant thriving to fulfill our goals
and be happy. As we can feel it unite us, it's actually a drifting
apart. The greatest conversation starter and killer. Our dreams are
like galaxies in a chaotic universe within ourselves. Some bigger,
some smaller.
| I think this is a good thing to maintain. After all, I like looking up
and see not a handful but a trillion of stars. This huge variety is
simply a beautiful thing to look at, or something that will scare you
into believing that you're insignificant and small.
| Like the need for this conversation with myself I have several similar
other ones of urgence and importance. They pull me apart. They trap me
inside. They make me want to invest and they make me want to hide.
| Sometimes I want a single guiding star that will lead me leading
myself. They are too many. I'm trapped in between miraculously
blinking galaxies and it feels like they are drifting apart the more I
invest, but freezing is no option, it's certain death.
| I feel that each time I really want to work out something, another
dream has got to die and the need to choose makes me unhappy and
unfree. They are too many and sometimes it's like a curse having
strong ones. I wish it was only two personas, like Hesse describes his
fragmentation in "Steppenwolf", but it's not as easy as that (as he
states correctly at the end of the book). Still you want to preserve
your ability to smile.
| So, I walk the streets. Flooded with even more dreams. Strong ones,
weak ones. Some that make you laugh, some that make you cry and I feel
free again. Not because I found a solution, but because I can see that
it's not just me. Long lost dreams reemerge into what I want to be.
New ones might not seem as clear as they used to be. It's good to let
them rest, but not for too long. They will be coming back after all,
as a long awaited epiphany or to haunt me.
| I want to be more than the thriving. I want to be a cluster of stars
bridging the gap. For me, for others. In the end, you and me are
interchangeable.
|