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| -rw-r--r-- | content/a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end.rst | 15 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | content/trapped-in-between.rst | 43 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | content/you-and-i.rst | 79 |
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diff --git a/content/a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end.rst b/content/a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end.rst new file mode 100644 index 0000000..af16995 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end.rst @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +A beginning will be a new end +############################## +:date: 2012-05-19 14:14 +:author: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058 +:category: pi +:slug: a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end +:status: published + +| Whenever I think I have it all figured out and things are moving a + scale upwards, my mood inversely changes downwards. +| I suppose it's because once things begin to ease up, you realize all + the matters that have been piling up behind you. + +Suddenly all you thoguht was fun to do becomes a burden and vice versa. +Life sure is fun. diff --git a/content/trapped-in-between.rst b/content/trapped-in-between.rst new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b4dd182 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/trapped-in-between.rst @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ +Trapped in between +################## +:date: 2012-06-11 10:55 +:author: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058 +:category: pi +:slug: trapped-in-between +:status: published + +| There is a need in us. It's a constant thriving to fulfill our goals + and be happy. As we can feel it unite us, it's actually a drifting + apart. The greatest conversation starter and killer. Our dreams are + like galaxies in a chaotic universe within ourselves. Some bigger, + some smaller. +| I think this is a good thing to maintain. After all, I like looking up + and see not a handful but a trillion of stars. This huge variety is + simply a beautiful thing to look at, or something that will scare you + into believing that you're insignificant and small. +| Like the need for this conversation with myself I have several similar + other ones of urgence and importance. They pull me apart. They trap me + inside. They make me want to invest and they make me want to hide. +| Sometimes I want a single guiding star that will lead me leading + myself. They are too many. I'm trapped in between miraculously + blinking galaxies and it feels like they are drifting apart the more I + invest, but freezing is no option, it's certain death. +| I feel that each time I really want to work out something, another + dream has got to die and the need to choose makes me unhappy and + unfree. They are too many and sometimes it's like a curse having + strong ones. I wish it was only two personas, like Hesse describes his + fragmentation in "Steppenwolf", but it's not as easy as that (as he + states correctly at the end of the book). Still you want to preserve + your ability to smile. +| So, I walk the streets. Flooded with even more dreams. Strong ones, + weak ones. Some that make you laugh, some that make you cry and I feel + free again. Not because I found a solution, but because I can see that + it's not just me. Long lost dreams reemerge into what I want to be. + New ones might not seem as clear as they used to be. It's good to let + them rest, but not for too long. They will be coming back after all, + as a long awaited epiphany or to haunt me. +| I want to be more than the thriving. I want to be a cluster of stars + bridging the gap. For me, for others. In the end, you and me are + interchangeable. + + diff --git a/content/you-and-i.rst b/content/you-and-i.rst new file mode 100644 index 0000000..33b5bdb --- /dev/null +++ b/content/you-and-i.rst @@ -0,0 +1,79 @@ +You and I +######### +:date: 2012-05-27 00:00 +:author: 2.7182818284590452353602874713526624977572470936999595 +:category: e +:slug: you-and-i +:status: published + +.. raw:: html + + <div> + +We are one,You and I. Minuscule fragments of the same entity. The same +heaving, puffing, fire breathing, giant if you will. Or perhaps a +translucent haze of a being, that floats and rolls over the sands like a +thick eddy of smoke; folding in on itself, falling ;convalescing. Bear +with me and picture this creature. It could be a simple organism or an +inanimate substance without life if you please. It isn't important that +you see it clearly, or understand it. However you might paint this being +in your head, paint it with a mind. Not necessarily a mind as in a +brain, an organ that enables and coordinates functioning, but perhaps +resembling the essence of the word 'spirit' but capable of thought and +emotions, chemical reactions of the mind. Call it our consciousness(if +you must) or by any other handle, but know that it is alone. Not alone +as in separated from another but as the word 'alone' literally meant, +'all ana'; wholly one. Do you see it? Or perhaps its a person, and you +see a him or a her or another form and state altogether. As you see it +take shape, allow it to think or perhaps thoughts just come and go, +voiced even, in an internal voice very similar to our very own, not +unlike when we are alone and talk to ourself. A conversation of sorts +with ourselves. Inside of us but midst two persons. One asks or suggests +and the other answers, agrees, responds. Almost as though it was two +different personalities, perhaps even contradicting each other at times, +gently, perhaps sternly. And as these two personalities spoke or think +aloud within this being, they find form and definition. They could +contradict the other and(or) perhaps complement the other. And as these +personalities arise and become stronger and more and more defined they +might have their own sense of logic. Thinking for themselves now. With +themselves now. And so they spawn more in their likeness but detaching +from themselves every time they multiply. There is a mathematics to it, +a game of probability within this. A pattern that evolves and forms a +code that creates boundaries and rules for this process. The Spawns turn +out to be very similar to each other, their logic based on very similar +rules and definitions. But sometimes their personalities are polar and +sometimes they are analogous. And they've multiplied over eons since +'eos' (greek for 'dawn'). But as they've multiplied they have gotten +fragmented, detached from each other. The smallest variance draws them +apart, perhaps their rigid identities get threatened, become exclusive +and perhaps they neglect that they both exist simultaneously and are +true. Perhaps there is no true and false, right and wrong. Perhaps there +is just 'separated'. And here we are today after eons again, as beings. +Defined in form and function by the rules and boundaries that our +'elders' thought up and forged by the environment they created. Living +in this fantasy, this illusion of truth and reality, while nothing +really 'is'. We sit here now, alone again. But this time, the meaning of +the word has changed. This time 'alone' means isolated. But the process +hasn't stopped, we still think and react to our environment and in the +process form personas within ourselves, personalities defined by thought +and our reactions to the environment and this environment has changed in +our short existence, newer psyches form. And, slowly these psyches +become exclusive. They contradict each other. They have their own voice +and reason. These are split personalities, yes. But, don't look at them +as they have come to be defined within psychology and perhaps with fear. +But as deviations from a former self and identity as a reaction to a +change in our environment. This constant flux allows you a different +voice a different identity. And if and when these environments collide, +so do these identities. There is a crisis of sorts as we helplessly +rummage through all these various voices, some strong, some weak. Some +voices are abrasive, driven from insecurity and discontent. Some +helpless and fatigued. And as we stalk them to find the right one of +them, we neglect all identities are real. Their summation is our nature. +This nature of ours is perhaps what our true voice if there is one is +inspired from. This voice is what I'm looking for. And as I pursue this +voice, my voice; and search for my true identity my closest average or +the best summation; I hope I find you. I hope I find 'us'. xx + +.. raw:: html + + </div> |