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-rw-r--r--content/blog/a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end.rst15
-rw-r--r--content/blog/trapped-in-between.rst43
-rw-r--r--content/blog/you-and-i.rst79
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diff --git a/content/blog/a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end.rst b/content/blog/a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end.rst
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+A beginning will be a new end
+##############################
+:date: 2012-05-19 14:14
+:author: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058
+:category: pi
+:slug: a-beginning-will-be-a-new-end
+:status: published
+
+| Whenever I think I have it all figured out and things are moving a
+ scale upwards, my mood inversely changes downwards.
+| I suppose it's because once things begin to ease up, you realize all
+ the matters that have been piling up behind you.
+
+Suddenly all you thoguht was fun to do becomes a burden and vice versa.
+Life sure is fun.
diff --git a/content/blog/trapped-in-between.rst b/content/blog/trapped-in-between.rst
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+Trapped in between
+##################
+:date: 2012-06-11 10:55
+:author: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058
+:category: pi
+:slug: trapped-in-between
+:status: published
+
+| There is a need in us. It's a constant thriving to fulfill our goals
+ and be happy. As we can feel it unite us, it's actually a drifting
+ apart. The greatest conversation starter and killer. Our dreams are
+ like galaxies in a chaotic universe within ourselves. Some bigger,
+ some smaller.
+| I think this is a good thing to maintain. After all, I like looking up
+ and see not a handful but a trillion of stars. This huge variety is
+ simply a beautiful thing to look at, or something that will scare you
+ into believing that you're insignificant and small.
+| Like the need for this conversation with myself I have several similar
+ other ones of urgence and importance. They pull me apart. They trap me
+ inside. They make me want to invest and they make me want to hide.
+| Sometimes I want a single guiding star that will lead me leading
+ myself. They are too many. I'm trapped in between miraculously
+ blinking galaxies and it feels like they are drifting apart the more I
+ invest, but freezing is no option, it's certain death.
+| I feel that each time I really want to work out something, another
+ dream has got to die and the need to choose makes me unhappy and
+ unfree. They are too many and sometimes it's like a curse having
+ strong ones. I wish it was only two personas, like Hesse describes his
+ fragmentation in "Steppenwolf", but it's not as easy as that (as he
+ states correctly at the end of the book). Still you want to preserve
+ your ability to smile.
+| So, I walk the streets. Flooded with even more dreams. Strong ones,
+ weak ones. Some that make you laugh, some that make you cry and I feel
+ free again. Not because I found a solution, but because I can see that
+ it's not just me. Long lost dreams reemerge into what I want to be.
+ New ones might not seem as clear as they used to be. It's good to let
+ them rest, but not for too long. They will be coming back after all,
+ as a long awaited epiphany or to haunt me.
+| I want to be more than the thriving. I want to be a cluster of stars
+ bridging the gap. For me, for others. In the end, you and me are
+ interchangeable.
+
+
diff --git a/content/blog/you-and-i.rst b/content/blog/you-and-i.rst
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+You and I
+#########
+:date: 2012-05-27 00:00
+:author: 2.7182818284590452353602874713526624977572470936999595
+:category: e
+:slug: you-and-i
+:status: published
+
+.. raw:: html
+
+ <div>
+
+We are one,You and I. Minuscule fragments of the same entity. The same
+heaving, puffing, fire breathing, giant if you will. Or perhaps a
+translucent haze of a being, that floats and rolls over the sands like a
+thick eddy of smoke; folding in on itself, falling ;convalescing. Bear
+with me and picture this creature. It could be a simple organism or an
+inanimate substance without life if you please. It isn't important that
+you see it clearly, or understand it. However you might paint this being
+in your head, paint it with a mind. Not necessarily a mind as in a
+brain, an organ that enables and coordinates functioning, but perhaps
+resembling the essence of the word 'spirit' but capable of thought and
+emotions, chemical reactions of the mind. Call it our consciousness(if
+you must) or by any other handle, but know that it is alone. Not alone
+as in separated from another but as the word 'alone' literally meant,
+'all ana'; wholly one. Do you see it? Or perhaps its a person, and you
+see a him or a her or another form and state altogether. As you see it
+take shape, allow it to think or perhaps thoughts just come and go,
+voiced even, in an internal voice very similar to our very own, not
+unlike when we are alone and talk to ourself. A conversation of sorts
+with ourselves. Inside of us but midst two persons. One asks or suggests
+and the other answers, agrees, responds. Almost as though it was two
+different personalities, perhaps even contradicting each other at times,
+gently, perhaps sternly. And as these two personalities spoke or think
+aloud within this being, they find form and definition. They could
+contradict the other and(or) perhaps complement the other. And as these
+personalities arise and become stronger and more and more defined they
+might have their own sense of logic. Thinking for themselves now. With
+themselves now. And so they spawn more in their likeness but detaching
+from themselves every time they multiply. There is a mathematics to it,
+a game of probability within this. A pattern that evolves and forms a
+code that creates boundaries and rules for this process. The Spawns turn
+out to be very similar to each other, their logic based on very similar
+rules and definitions. But sometimes their personalities are polar and
+sometimes they are analogous. And they've multiplied over eons since
+'eos' (greek for 'dawn'). But as they've multiplied they have gotten
+fragmented, detached from each other. The smallest variance draws them
+apart, perhaps their rigid identities get threatened, become exclusive
+and perhaps they neglect that they both exist simultaneously and are
+true. Perhaps there is no true and false, right and wrong. Perhaps there
+is just 'separated'. And here we are today after eons again, as beings.
+Defined in form and function by the rules and boundaries that our
+'elders' thought up and forged by the environment they created. Living
+in this fantasy, this illusion of truth and reality, while nothing
+really 'is'. We sit here now, alone again. But this time, the meaning of
+the word has changed. This time 'alone' means isolated. But the process
+hasn't stopped, we still think and react to our environment and in the
+process form personas within ourselves, personalities defined by thought
+and our reactions to the environment and this environment has changed in
+our short existence, newer psyches form. And, slowly these psyches
+become exclusive. They contradict each other. They have their own voice
+and reason. These are split personalities, yes. But, don't look at them
+as they have come to be defined within psychology and perhaps with fear.
+But as deviations from a former self and identity as a reaction to a
+change in our environment. This constant flux allows you a different
+voice a different identity. And if and when these environments collide,
+so do these identities. There is a crisis of sorts as we helplessly
+rummage through all these various voices, some strong, some weak. Some
+voices are abrasive, driven from insecurity and discontent. Some
+helpless and fatigued. And as we stalk them to find the right one of
+them, we neglect all identities are real. Their summation is our nature.
+This nature of ours is perhaps what our true voice if there is one is
+inspired from. This voice is what I'm looking for. And as I pursue this
+voice, my voice; and search for my true identity my closest average or
+the best summation; I hope I find you. I hope I find 'us'. xx
+
+.. raw:: html
+
+ </div>